Sometimes there are people who come into our lives that remind us of our past.
It could be something about their personality, something about the way you communicate with each other, and maybe physically they look like someone that you used to know.
I believe that God, life, the universe, whatever label you want to use, places people into our lives for a reason. Sometimes those reasons are blatantly obvious and other times they slowly creep up on you like the rising tide.
One of the things I’ve learned in my journey towards wholeness, transformation is a slow and deliberate process filled with pain, challenges, grace, compassion, and forgiveness.
Since 2015 is all about LISTENing for me, I’ve really had to slow down and spend time in solitude. Sometimes when I am on the road, that quiet time becomes challenging to grasp. Wanderlust leads to truth and new perspectives. I love others and care about them, and when I am on the road I meet lots of different people.
- People with different backgrounds.
- People with different beliefs.
- People who self-medicate in ways that trigger old reactions in me.
I was smacked in the face with how easy it is to fall back into old habits.
I met a man who brings out the parts of me that I’ve worked hard to heal. And just like any addiction, be it to alcohol, sex, cigarettes, shopping, we have our stress triggers and can easily fall back into old patterns. He brings out fissures in my heart that have healed but are tender and slightly raw. I can feel chemical triggers bubbling up and have to fight the automatic response. I’ve realized so much in this interaction.
I still have a ways to go to heal and recover.
I have become very aware of how lasting neuro-pathways in the brain can be.
When we try to change communication patterns, the first step always feels slightly awkward. Maybe you even sit together in silence because you don’t know what to say or how to communicate. But in the silence, I’ve been humbled. I’ve been forced to look at my own contributions to the toxicity. Fighting ourselves and how we react is worth it. It might feel wrong or abnormal or like we are giving in or that the other party is winning. That is our inner nemesis, our ego, trying to keep our Hero Spirit trapped. The bad guy doesn’t want to you soar. Once we know that, we can stand and lean into the discomfort.
I continuously have to remind myself that I have big-picture dreams and hopes and plans. And I can’t get there without ME, without the best me I can be. And sometimes that means sacrificing short-term habitual “pleasures” for long-term joy.
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